Looking at You
by SongBird312
Summary: Marco's going to be okay. Marco's going to be fine. That's what Jean kept telling himself. Set during their days at cadet training.


***Note: Anything in Italics are Jean's thoughts. **

"Leaders, after I finish reading off the teams, come receive the coordinates for your overnight sites," Shadis commanded, nearing the end of the day's training instructions. It was another overnight survival simulation. Jean wasn't complaining. At least not yet. "Team One! Leader: Connie Springer. Team members: Eren Yeager…"

Jean held his breath, praying to any deity that would listen to him to not be on Eren's team. _Please no, please no, please no! _

"Team two!" Shadis announced without calling Jean's name for the first squad. Jean breathed a sigh of relief. "Team Leader: Mikasa Ackerman." Jean held his breath again, this time out of hope. _Please yes, please yes, please yes!_

"Team Three!" Shadis announced after reading through the list, not calling Jean's name again. The boy sighed again, this time with defeat. "Leader: Jean Kirstein." _Hello!_ "Team members: Armin Arlert, Reiner Braun, Marco Bott, Annie Leonhardt, Sasha Braus. Team Four…"

Jean stopped listening at that point. He knew his team, and Eren wasn't on it, and that was really all that mattered. He wasn't with Mikasa, but that would be okay because he was a team leader. That brought a smile to Jean's face. That actually would've been sweeter if Eren had been on his team. The brunette wouldn't have been able to talk or fight back if Jean was in charge of him. But perhaps it was for the better that they were separated. Now Jean could focus on the simulation better without the distraction of torturing Eren.

"I expect you all back in this very spot tomorrow between the hours of ten and twelve," Shadis continued after finishing reading off the teams. "Leaders, meet me up here before collecting your squads then move out. Remember, you all must be on your guard every second. You never know what could happen out there."

"And that means there's going to be a staged 'titan' attack," Reiner muttered, just loud enough for those standing close to him to hear. Jean nodded.

"We'll be ready," the boy muttered back. He saw Reiner nod out of the corner of his eye. "Collect the troops. I'll go get the coordinates."

"Yes, sir," Reiner replied, moving off within the mess of cadets. Jean smiled. Sir. That had a nice ring to it.

* * *

><p>"Eyes forward, keep moving!" Jean shouted as his team flew through the trees. "I'm talking to you Braus!"<p>

"WhaaaAAAaat?" Sasha called back, holding to word out longer to enunciate her exasperation. "I'm being careful!"

"No, you're not," Jean shook his head. "Besides, you're breaking formation. And I'm the leader so no back talk." Sasha huffed and fell back into formation. Jean smirked to himself. Maybe this leader thing wasn't half bad. Even if this was just a simple survival simulation that would be over in less than 24 hours. Jean decided he would enjoy it while it lasted.

"Titans!" Armin exclaimed. Jean sighed. There it was.

"Take them down! Annie, Reiner take the left! Sasha, Marco, go right! Armin, follow me center! Move!" Jean commanded, maneuvering forward at top speed. The practice titans loomed at them from between the trees, two from the left, and three from the right as far as Jean could see. There were probably more farther ahead.

"Armin, go assist the right," Jean instructed.

"Yes, sir!" the blonde fired back, flying off towards Sasha who was in the process of slicing at the nape of a titan's neck. Her yell of excitement echoed through the trees as she successfully defeated her opponent. Jean shook his head and turned his focus back to the way he was traveling.

And that proved to be a happy circumstance, because one second more of watching Sasha and Jean would've collided with a tree branch hanging awkwardly right in his line of travel. With a surprised gasp, Jean maneuvered his body below the branch. _That was a close one,_ he thought as he continued his drive forward. He looked to the left. Reiner and Annie had successfully defeated their titans, no surprise there. Jean checked the right. Marco and Sasha had effectively taken out the rest of their titans as well, with Armin gliding close by most likely as moral support.

A quick glance up ahead told Jean that they weren't out of the woods yet. More titans were looming in their near future.

"Be on guard, team! There's more up ahead!" Jean called. He then had to maneuver around another tree branch. "And watch for the trees! They seem pretty wild in this area!"

Jean hoped the others could hear him. He assumed they could considering no one was questioning his plan, not even for clarification. Maybe that meant they hadn't heard. Either way, everyone seemed to be following the plan, moving forward, keeping on guard, eyes peeled for…

"Marco!" Jean shouted as one of the practice titans appeared right in front of the freckled boy. Marco reacted fast, maneuvering up quickly and slicing at the titan's weak spot. It wasn't enough, but Armin was quick to follow through, finishing the thing off. But the boy in command hardly noticed.

"MARCO! WATCH…"

Jean heard the thud before he saw it happen.

One of the wild branches stood behind the surprise titan, and Marco hardly had enough time to maneuver away from it. There was no way he could've seen it coming until the damage was done.

Marco's body fell away from the rogue tree branch, limbs loose as his consciousness failed. Jean felt himself freeze. He couldn't move. He could only watch as Marco fell… down…down…down….

Reiner swung out of thin air, catching Marco in his arms. The blonde's eyes locked with Jean's.

"We need to get him out of here!" Reiner called. Jean nodded, his brain kicking into panic mode.

"Annie! Sasha! Finish off the Titans!" Jean called. Both girls darted forward without a word. "Reiner, follow them but not too close. Armin, you and I will protect Reiner and Marco from the back!" All members did as they were told, flying off at top speed.

Jean's mind raced as he maneuvered his way through the trees. The image of Marco colliding with the tree kept playing before his eyes. And if it wasn't the collision, it was Marco falling. Falling endlessly as Jean just watched, unable to help his helpless friend.

Clenching his fists, Jean pushed the images away. Marco was fine. Marco was okay. Jean had to be the leader right now, and leaders didn't panic. Ever. Especially not when one of their teammates was hurt. But what kind of a leader let their teammates get hurt in the first place? Jean felt his stomach twisting up in knots of anxiety and fear. Also guilt.

The light beneath the trees began to increase as the group came upon a clearing. Jean saw Annie and Sasha waiting for them in the center of the grassy space, watched as Reiner landed before them and carefully lowered Marco to the ground. Jean hit the ground running, using the momentum from his descent to get his legs to move even faster. He lost his balance, collapsing on his knees by Marco's side.

"What happened?" Jean panted breathlessly, desperately trying to get his breathing in check. "Did anyone else see it from a different view?"

"He hit his head on the branch," Reiner replied, his voice dark. "Hard enough to knock him out. And that cut looks pretty serious."

Jean paled as he examined the wound on the freckled boy's forehead. Blood was seeping from a cut that appeared to be about four inches long, running from the middle of Marco's forehead to his left ear. The gash didn't look incredibly deep, but deep enough for a scary amount of blood to run down the boy's face.

"We shouldn't move him too much," Armin said, appearing by Jean's right shoulder. "At least not until after we've taken care of that cut."

"Is there first aid gear at the camp spot?" Sasha asked, looking up to meet anyone's eyes.

"Yes," Reiner nodded. "Jean? What are your orders?" _Right, I'm still in charge. _

"Reiner, go ahead to the spot and get the first aid kit and bring it back here. Annie, go with him," the boy in command instructed, his eyes never leaving Marco. "Hurry."

"We'll be back as soon as we can," Reiner replied, Annie nodded once before the two took off into the trees. Silence followed them, hanging over the remaining cadets like a guillotine hung over a traitor's neck.

"It should take them an hour at best," Armin said finally, settling down on the grass next to Jean. "And even that's optimistic. Yet, Annie and Reiner are two of the best at using the 3D maneuvering gear, and with a good reason and no formation, they should be able to do it."

Jean nodded in response; Armin's words only half registering in his brain. All he could focus on was Marco. The cut on his head. The way his eyes were scrunched up in pain. The freckles on his face that became more pronounced as more blood left his face. _Marco… will be okay._

Suddenly, Marco's eyes shot wide open. Jean, Armin, and Sasha all jumped as the freckled brunette took in a shaking breath, just as shocked as the rest of them. Marco's eyes were blank, staring up into the sky as he blinked three times. His breathing was ragged, as if he'd woken up from a nightmare. Slowly, his eyes moved to Sasha, then Armin, then they rested on Jean.

"Jean," Marco whispered.

"Yeah?" the other boy replied. A layer of tears suddenly clouded Marco's eyes.

"Why does it hurt so much?" the freckled boy asked, voice breaking as the tears began to slip down his cheeks. Jean felt helpless all over again. He began to stutter aimlessly. He had no clue what to say. He could tell him the truth, or he could lie and make everything seem okay. But none of that seemed right.

So, Jean grabbed Marco's hand; clasped his friend's hand between both of his. He had no clue why he'd done it, but he had and there was no going back now.

"It's okay, Marco. You're going to be okay," Jean said. Marco stared at him, his eyes round with fear and pain and probably more than a little confusion. Sasha grabbed a hold of Marco's other hand.

"He's right, Marco. Everything is going to be just fine," she said, her voice calm and soothing. Marco glanced over at Sasha, a small smile budding on his lips. "Annie and Reiner went to get the medical stuff. They'll be back soon, and we'll fix you right up. You're okay. We're here. I'm here. Armin's here. And Jean's here. We're going to take care of you."

Marco's eyes found Jean again. "Really?" he asked, tears still spilling from his eyes, mixing with the blood flowing from his head. Jean swallowed before nodding, forcing a smile.

"Yeah," he replied. Marco's smile widened before his face contorted in pain again. Jean felt his heartbeat speed up. What was he supposed to do? How long had Reiner and Annie been gone?

"Damn. What's taking them so long?" Jean growled quietly, focusing on his hands still wrapped around Marco's.

"Jean, it's only been about five minutes," Armin said gently.

"Well, what are we supposed to do until they get back? He's not gonna… he's not… an hour's a long time," Jean replied, his frustration making it hard to think.

"You're the leader," Sasha said, earning her a pointed look from Jean. "What do you think we should do?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you, moron!" Jean shot back. Sasha flinched but continued to stare at him.

"Think about it," the girl said in reply. "Take a deep breath, and make a decision." Jean blinked. Was this real life? Was he getting lectured now, as Marco lay helplessly bleeding before him and his leader skills were slipping out of his hands? By Sasha Braus of all people? Lectured by f-ing Sasha Braus? No. No.

"Jean, she's right," Armin added. Jean measured a sideways glance at the blonde. Armin kept his eyes trained on Marco. "This is your call. It's not about what I would do, or what Sasha would do. You're the leader." _Stupid coconut head…_

Jean sighed. "Fine. Fine. I guess I would…" He looked back at Marco. The brunette had closed his eyes again, squeezed them shut actually as he bit his lip. He was in a lot of pain, that much was clear. And it all made Jean's mind race even faster. "We have to stop the bleeding." Jean looked around for something, anything that could accomplish that task.

He decided there was only one suitable option. He let go of Marco's hand as his fingers moved incredibly fast to unhook his gear and free the bottom of his shirt.

"Jean!" Armin exclaimed as the boy raised one of his blades. Without acknowledging the blonde, Jean used the blade to slice off a piece of his shirt. It was smaller than he'd aimed for, but it would have to do. Folding the cloth in half, Jean pressed the fabric into the cut. Blood began to seep into the cloth immediately.

"You probably didn't need to use the blade to rip it," Sasha commented offhandedly as she watched Jean put more pressure on the cloth. "It's pretty easy to tear a shirt with your hands."

"I didn't think about it," Jean said between his teeth, frowning as he felt blood wetting his fingertips. Marco whimpered as Jean pushed harder against his forehead. "This isn't going to be enough."

"But it'll have to do," Armin said nervously, frowning. "The pressure itself should help even if the cloth loses its purpose." Jean just nodded, his focus reverting almost completely back to Marco. He was losing even more color.

How long did they have until he went completely pale? How long until Annie and Reiner got back with the damn first aid kit? When would this stupid training simulation be over?

Jean's thoughts were broken as the sound of humming broke through the haze. The boy's eyes found Sasha again, who was indeed humming and watching Marco, still holding on to his left hand.

"What…" Jean began, trailing off as the soft sound slowly became more and more comforting. "What song is that?"

"Just an old tune my father and I used to sing together," Sasha said, her voice distant. "I can't remember the words though. Just the tune." She continued humming the song. Marco's expression seemed to soften slightly.

"Keep going, Sasha," Armin instructed. Sasha kept humming, eventually shifting to singing the notes on a soft 'ou' vowel. They sat that way, Jean pressing the bloody cloth against Marco's head and Sasha singing softly to all of them, until there was a rustle in the trees above and Reiner and Annie fell in front of them.

"We've got the first aid kit and the rest of the supplies," Reiner announced as Annie ran the medical supplies over to the trio surrounding Marco. "I figured we shouldn't move Marco tonight."

"I think that goes without saying," Jean agreed nodding once as he released his hold on his makeshift compress. His hands were completely stained with Marco's blood. Annie knelt down on the other side of Marco, next to Sasha. "What've we got?"

"Enough," the blonde girl replied shortly, mulling through the medical supplies. "Jean, what should we do?"

The boy in command froze. What were they supposed to do now? Why couldn't he think straight? They'd been through the first aid training multiple times by now. This was supposed to be some of the easiest stuff they'd learned.

Gosh, there was so much blood. And it was all over his hands…

_Marco's going to be okay._

"Uh… I… I don't know," Jean stuttered. "Armin? What do we do?"

"We need to clean it first," Armin instructed. "There's a high risk of infection, especially now." Annie pulled out a piece of cloth and a bottle of antiseptic fluid and scooted closer to the wound. She did her best to wipe away the blood, most of which was now hardened on Marco's skin. Clearing away all the blood she could, Annie unscrewed the cap on the antiseptic. Her icy blue eyes met Jean's.

"This isn't going to be pretty," she said. Jean nodded. Annie's eyes returned to Marco's forehead as she poured the liquid over the cut.

Marco screamed. Jean had to restrain himself from screaming too. Marco's hand flailed around, looking for Jean's, and the other boy was more than happy to grab ahold of the brunette's hand. Sasha held tightly to Marco's other hand and Armin placed his hand comfortingly over Marco's knee, letting him know that he was there too. Reiner ran over, having put away all the other supplies. Annie's face remained emotionless as she screwed the cap back on the bottle. _Marco's going to be okay,_ Jean thought.

"What now?" Reiner asked. _It was my fault he hit the tree._

"Armin, would a bandage work for this?" Annie asked in response. "Or…"

"It's pretty deep. He would bleed right through a bandage," Sasha interrupted. _He's lost so much blood already. _

"Isn't the bleeding close to stopping?" Reiner questioned. "How long has it been…?"

"It hasn't stopped yet," Armin commented. "It's a deep cut. I think a bandage would work but we'd have to keep changing it if we wanted it to be useful. I think our best option would be..."

"Stitches," Reiner sighed. "How are we supposed to…?"

"I can do it," Sasha cut him off. "My father taught me. It's nothing permanent, and the doctor in the infirmary will be able to take it right out and do it right once we get him back, but it's something." _It's my fault… I'm supposed to be the leader…_

"Do it," Annie commanded quietly. "If it's all we have, do it. And hurry." Sasha nodded before meeting Jean's eyes, as if seeking his approval. Jean felt like he'd been slapped in the face. Oh right, he was supposed to be leading this thing, and that meant directing the uninjured members too. Right.

"Do it, Sasha," he repeated. The brunette nodded again and began to rummage through the first aid kit. Jean's eyes returned to Marco. The freckled boy was whimpering softly as the pain from the antiseptic began to subside. His freckles stood out so prominently against his pale skin, he was losing so much blood, too much blood. Jean squeezed Marco's hand reassuringly. Marco was going to be okay.

"Marco, I'm so terribly sorry," Sasha said as she prepared the medical needle with the stitching thread. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Sasha, just do it," Reiner said in response. "Get it over with."

"I'm sorry," Sasha repeated, moving closer to the cut and gently running her fingers through Marco's hair before starting the procedure. Her hands were shaking slightly and she shook them once to settle them.

Jean looked away as Sasha moved the needle to the wound. He didn't look as Marco started screaming again and squeezed Jean's hand so tight the boy was sure he'd lose circulation soon. But he didn't care. He squeezed right back.

"I'm so terribly sorry, Marco," Sasha repeated again. "I'm so sorry. So sorry." Marco was shaking so violently, Reiner had to hold him down by the shoulders. Tears were streaming from the freckled boy's eyes. _Marco will be fine. _"I'm so sorry." Jean held even tighter to the brunette's hand. _Marco's going to be okay. _"So terribly sorry."

"Jean?" Armin's voice registered from somewhere outside the bubble of Jean's thoughts that were preoccupied only by Marco. "Jean, you're crying."

The boy in command didn't even react to Armin's words, motionlessly letting the tears slip down his own cheeks. How had he not felt them before? Why wasn't he stopping them now?

"I'm so sorry, Marco," Sasha continued. Marco's cries continued, but they grew quieter and quieter with each stitch. _Marco's going to be okay. _

"I'm sorry."

That was how Jean fell out of consciousness; Marco squeezing his hand, tears falling down his cheeks, and Sasha's apologies on loop in the background.

* * *

><p>Marco woke up the next morning to a dull ache in his head. Everything was bleary and he had to blink his eyes a few times before the world came into focus. He was staring up at the clear blue sky. That didn't make sense. Was he dead? No wait, the survival simulation. They were supposed to be outside. But why did his head hurt?<p>

The brunette moved to sit up slowly, trying not to upset the pain in his head. Upon further inspection, Marco saw Reiner and Armin sleeping a little farther off to his left. Sasha was sprawled out a little to the right of the two guys, and Annie was curled up in a ball in between the girl and the guys. Marco blinked again. Where was…?

A sudden movement by his right side caused Marco to look down. A smile crept on his lips. Jean was curled up to his side, fast asleep, his hand clasping Marco's.

"Marco?"

The brunette jumped and whirled around, regretting it as it made his head feel worse.

"A-Annie?" the boy asked, rubbing at his head with his left hand and regretting that when his fingers met the stitches. The stitches…

"Sorry I startled you," the blonde said, sitting up slowly, blinking blearily. "How's your head?"

"Okay," Marco replied, trying to ignore the pain for a moment. "What happened?"

"Do you remember any of it?" Annie asked.

"Some," Marco shrugged. "Can you just… fill me in again?" Annie nodded.

"You hit your head in the forest during the titan encounter," the blonde began. "You lost consciousness immediately, and Reiner carried you here. Then Reiner and I left to get the medical supplies from the real simulation spot, and left Jean, Armin, and Sasha with you. I don't know what happened then, but when we came back, Armin told us what to do and Sasha stitched up your head. You passed out during that and the rest of us fell asleep soon after."

Marco nodded, processing the whole thing. Now he definitely remembered most of it, the simulation, hitting the tree. But there was one thing missing.

"What about Jean?" the brunette asked, looking down at the boy sleeping next to him. "What did he do?"

"Jean didn't do much. I think you being hurt freaked him out," Annie answered, her eyes casually shifting to Jean as well. "It was like he knew he had to take charge, but didn't know what to do, so he let it up to us. Smart move, I'd say. He really just sat there, holding your hand and crying. Don't tell him I told you that."

Marco smiled. Jean shifted in his sleep, his hand squeezing Marco's tighter.

"Seems like he did a lot to me," the brunette said to himself. "Told you you'd be a good leader, Jean. Thank you." Jean smiled. Marco knew the other boy was sleeping and probably didn't hear any of it, but maybe he had. Either way, he'd have to properly thank him later for saving his life. Maybe Marco could make Jean smile like that again.

"You're okay Marco," Jean mumbled in his sleep. "You're going to be fine." Marco's smile widened.

"I'm okay, Jean. I'm fine," he mumbled back. "I'm okay. Thank you. Thank you." With that, Marco laid back down on the grass, his eyes falling closed as the pain in his head started to worsen again. But it was nothing too serious. He would be okay. He'd be fine… for Jean. "Thank you…"

Annie watched as Marco fell back into a state of unconsciousness. The blonde shook her head.

"I wonder how long it'll take them," she muttered to herself, settling back against the grass and staring up at the sky, waiting for the rest of her teammates to wake up so they could go home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey all! Thanks for reading! This is my first Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan fanfic, and any comments/criticisms would be appreciated! I hope you guys enjoyed it!**

**Just a side note, I got the idea for this story from the bridge of Taylor Swift's "Blank Space". "Remember when you hit the breaks too soon / twenty stitches in a hospital room / when you started crying, baby, I did too / but when the sun came up, I was looking at you."**

**Also, I know nothing about medical stuff, so if that's not at all realistic, I apologize. **

**:3 **


End file.
